Past Grievances and Future Hopes
by slayer of destiny
Summary: Slash. Sherlock and Gregson finally sleep together, but do misunderstandings and previous arguments stand in the way of what they potentially have together?


"Well…should have done that years ago if I knew it would keep you quiet and still for this long," The words finally broke the silence in the room and before Sherlock could help himself he was snorting in amusement, his mind stopping its furious whirring for a few seconds, before it picked up again. "What is it?" Gregson frowned when Sherlock went stiff in his arms.

Even though he was enjoying the warmth of the Captain's arms, his heady scent that had always pulled Sherlock especially drugging when mixed with the scent of sex, along with the firm strength of his body which after everything that had happened in the last month or so seemed now to offer the chance of an anchor, a safe place in it all, despite all of that he still forced himself to pull away, to sit up in bed. He frowned rubbing his arms to try and warm himself chilled in the room when away from the impressive heat the Captain's body gave off.

"Sherlock?" Gregson reached out and rubbed his back, the confusion clear in his voice.

"This was a mistake, it shouldn't have happened," Sherlock announced, standing swiftly grabbing his trousers as he made his way towards the door. "My apologies, but you should leave now, things need not change at all on a professional level for us I assure you," And then he fled.

He had been a fool who had deluded himself that he be allowed the offerings of warmth and affection, the potential of love that had been there in the Captain. For that was where it could have headed he knew, the Captain offering something, had always offered something to Sherlock that appealed greatly, for a man who had been denied affection and then struggled to understand it this came as no surprise. People struggled to understand him, most did not wish to, they simply labelled him off or put up with him until they got what they wanted and then discarded him. The Captain had been one of the first not to do that, when they had been introduced to each other at Scotland Yard while Sherlock had still be working with Lestrade he had not looked at him with scorn or doubt, he had not looked at him like he was the freak show on parade, even after the rest of Lestrade's team had muttered about him to the Captain, telling him all about his obsession with crime scenes and how he 'got off on it', telling him about how Sherlock was likely to be the cause of a serial spree at some point. No, the man had looked at him with the icy blue eyes and had said with complete sincerity that he was looking forward to seeing how he worked and getting the chance to work with him.

That had started something between them, something that had made Sherlock reach out to the man when he was getting out of rehab and realised that he needed to get back into the work. He had looked up the man that he had kept in and out of contact with on a professional level. And they had worked together, they had worked well together, the Captain understood Sherlock, he seemed to be able to read him and know what he meant by saying certain things or by his actions. Sure sometimes he got frustrated with him, but he seemed to truly understand that Sherlock operated on a different level and that appearances weren't everything with the Consultant Detective.

And there had been that potential there, there had been the chance of something. It had been brewing when they had met in London and it had gone onto a slow but steady simmer when Sherlock started working for him in the NYPD, for months Sherlock had seen the potential there and had known that it could be something big, that it could be something major in his life. And he had dreaded it as much as he had anticipated it. Gregson was a strong, unmovable, powerful figure in his life, he was the offering of a steady and still place to hold onto to secure Sherlock in the very opposite manner to how Sherlock was.

But he had blown it, as with everything he had ruined the chance to have that in his life, what they had had between them while growing had still been vulnerable and delicate and he had shattered it into a million pieces. Damaging it, breaking it, as was his habit. They had managed to move passed it of course, they had stepped over the damage and carried acting as though it had not happened, as though the ringing of the glass shattering were not still ringing in both their ears. And they had built a working, functioning professional relationship again where Sherlock was able to carry on with his work, Joan had become a permanent in his life and he had been able to focus on teaching her, been able to focus on the friendship and the warmth, the steady acceptance that she herself offered in a friendship and companionship that h could suddenly see withstanding and enduring for many years in a way he had never expected to have a friendship.

He had of course still felt the desire for Gregson, that did not disappear just because he had managed to snip the thread tying them together. He had not realised that Gregson still felt the desire for him however. If he had known that Joan disappearing for her cousin's wedding would coincide with th Captain ending up in his house to solve a ten year cold case that had niggled the man for years before he finally decided to settle it in Sherlock's capable hands, well he would have taken her up on her offer to be the plus 1 to the damned wedding. Or just demanded she not go and come up with some case for them to solve. More likely.

But not, he had not foreseen that, not had he foreseen that once the case was solved he would have Gregson's lips on his, that they would end up in bd together, that he would know what it would feel like to have the man's hands over him, what his kisses tasted like - a drug in their very own way. He now knew what the Captain felt like when he was three fingers deep in the Consulting Detective, murmuring in that deep voice of his to him about how gorgeous he looked, he now knew what it felt like to have Gregson pressing inside of him, stretching him and filling him. And he knew he wanted more of it, more kisses, more touches, and good lord so much more of the sex! In so many different positions.

But he could not allow that to happen, for what had ben between them had snapped and the Captains words were ringing in his ears. He could not allow himself to be pulled into a relationship that was based wholly on sex. He doubt very much that the heart he had doubted the existence of for so long could take any more damage without ripping him apart. As it was he was longing for Joan to be back in the house, to be there with her chatter and her tea, nagging him about tidying and grumbling about her assignments, he needed the comfort she had come to represent in the house and in his life, he needed the warmth her friendship offered so rarely spoken, but there warm and comforting all the same.

"Hey!" Sherlock blinked before spinning around to see a very naked and very angry Captain Gregson standing in his kitchen doorway, making him realise that he had been so lost in his thoughts that he had failed to listen out for the movements of the Captain leaving as he had expected him to do. "What the hell was that?"

"I think that I said it all Captain, it was a mistake that should not have happened nor can it happen again," Sherlock straightened his back and turned to put the kettle h had been absently filling onto the strove.

"No,"

"No? It was not a question but a statement Captain, I believe you are more than capable of detecting the different reflections in my words to establish that for yourself," Sherlock frowned reaching for his cup.

"Oh no, don't go hiding behind your smart, sharp comments trying to drive me out quicker. And it may have been a statement Sherlock, but this this isn't something you just get to say something like that and that's it. I know you enjoyed yourself," Gregson was scowling at him he could feel it.

"I do not believe the question of your capabilities as a lover was brought up, if that is what is worrying you then you can leave well assured that the se was quite satisfying and enjoyed, but should not have happened,"

"You keep saying it shouldn't have happened? Why not, I find you attractive, I know you find me attractive, neither of us are involved with anyone else, there is nothing at work saying we can't have something between us as you technically don't work for me, and I know we are both professional enough not to allow this to interfere with work. So you mind telling me why this shouldn't have happened?" Sherlock spun when he heard Gregson stepping closer, glaring at him until he stopped, though it was still too close for Sherlock's happiness.

"I am not happy with a merely sexual relationship with you Captain, and you are well aware as to why we could not have anything but that, so I am afraid this can not be repeated," Sherlock answered, glaring darker at the man who stood in his kitchen completely naked and completely at ease with that nakedness, standing in front of him arms crossed and brow raised as though Sherlock had said something particularly stupid. Which as a genius he did not do.

"And why can we not have anything but a sexual relationship? I don't recall saying that was what I wanted from you at any point," Gregson drawled. However Sherlock felt his anger flaring.

"You know very well why we can't, you are not a man that can have a relationship without trust and you have already stated that you will never be able to trust me again. There for the only thing that we could have between us is sex, which is not something that I can engage in," Sherlock snapped. To his surprise Gregson dropped his arms and stared at him completely shocked before he sighed and scrubbed his face.

"Sherlock I trust you," Gregson said dropping his hands and looking directly at him, basically challenging him to find a lie. "I was…angry and furious and terrified that I might have had to arrest you, I was hurt that you didn't trust me enough to come to me about Irene, about M and what had happened. I reacted badly. I didn't mean it then that I wouldn't trust you again. And I definitely should not have hit you," Gregson stepped cautiously into Sherlock's personal space, his hands coming up to stroke Sherlock's sides as though he was a frightened animal that might spook.

"I understand why you hit me, I deserved it," Sherlock frowned.

"No you didn't, you were in the wrong, god yes you were. But I have never ever raised my hand to anyone I care about, anyone I have had a relationship with, it doesn't matter that we weren't in a relationship then, we had the potential," Gregson shook his head when Sherlock opened his mouth. His hand moved to stroke over the place that had held a bruise for a few weeks after he had delivered the blow. "I'm so sorry that I hit you, I can't take back what I did but I swear that I will never raise my hand to you again. But more than that I apologise for the words I said to you, words are more damaging with you than physical blows and I knew the best way to hurt you the way I was hurting right then. I didn't mean them Sherlock, you really think that if I didn't trust you, trust you with my life and my men's life that I would have let you carry on working with my team no matter how useful you are?" Gregson asked.

"I…" Sherlock frowned confused, the closeness and scent of Gregson not helping him.

"Oh sweetheart. I hate myself for doing this," Gregson sighed, the pet name seemingly automatically slipping passed his lips. "I swear I didn't mean it, I trust you. And I want a relationship with you, a proper one where I take you out for meals and we spend days together, eat crappy take away together, where we wake up together after getting to have fun the night before,"

"You…really want that with me?" Sherlock asked hating how uncertain he sounded for one of the few occasions in his life, the last tim he had been asking Joan to be his companion.

"Yes, very much so, and lets face it its been on the books for us since London.," Gregson chuckled. "God I looked at you then and thought about how much I wanted nothing more than to lock you away in my bedroom,of course I would bring you cases just to get to see that amazing mind of yours, that with the sex would be amazing," Gregson chuckled wrapping his arms fully around Sherlock and bringing him against his naked body.

"Do you often have thoughts of making me your live in sex slave?" Sherlock smirked managing to pull himself together.

"Oh, frequently and in great detail," Gregson smirked back, chuckling when Sherlock blinked wide eyed at him.

"Perhaps you would like to share some of those details?" Sherlock asked licking his lips and stepping even closer to the Captain closing the space that the police man had kept between them to allow Sherlock some feeling of comfort and breathing space, something that was now no longer needed. He wrapped his own arms around Gregson's warm and strong body, trying and failing to suppress the shiver that went through him at feeling the naked body of the other man pressing him against the side.

"Perhaps another time. I need to know that we are good, that we're…us," It was the captain's turn to be uncertain as he held Sherlock to him, those icy blue eyes searching over Sherlock's face, the fear that he may have ruined the chance of what they could have clear on his face.

"What exactly would…us entail?" Sherlock asked meeting Gregson's eyes.

"As I said, we go out for dates, movies that your likely to take apart, restaurants more often likely, I spend time with you here you spend time at mines, we get to fuck like rabbits and I try and drill you through the mattress repeatedly and as often as we can manage, we enjoy each others company. That sound good to you?" Gregson smiled cupping the nape of Sherlock's neck and rubbing the skin there soothingly as that amazing mind whirled.

"Joan is a part of my life, she lives here and will be here during the times that we are together here. That is none negotiable," Sherlock said concerned.

"I like Joan, its someone else to try and keep control of you," Gregson laughed leaning in to nudge his nose underneath Sherlock's ear before he started dotting kisses over his jaw and cheek. "Besides if you think that she doesn't already know what's between us and what has the potential between us then you underestimate your protégé,"

"That's why she keeps smirking at me when I mention you," Sherlock groaned dropping his forehead onto Gregson's shoulder.

"Yup. Now how about we go back to bed and carry on celebrating the start of this between us before ordering some Chinese when we get hungry enough?" Gregson suggested kissing and nipping his way to Sherlock's mouth.

"And how exactly do you plan on celebrating Captain?" Sherlock asked coyly, groaning and digging his fingers into Gregson's shoulder when his fingers found his still sensitive entrance. "If we have sex in this kitchen Joan will get very upset,"

"Ok, rule one, no mentioning Joan when we're about to have sex, in the middle of sex or immediately after sex unless it is something like 'Joan is about to walk in on us'," Gregson huffed against Sherlock's lips. Before the Consulting Detective could say anything however Gregson tugged him away from the counter and threw him over his shoulder heading towards the bedroom.

* * *

"Sherlock? I'm home, oh god you wouldn't believe the evening I had last night!" Joan called as she walked into the living room after dumping her suitcase, coat and shoes at the door. She paused momentarily at the sight of the Captain curled up on the sofa with Sherlock, for the first time since meeting him not in a suit but instead washed out jeans and a grey jumper, well the Consulting detective was more sprawled all over the Captain's lap. "Tommy hey, anyway my cousin got complete drunk, and I mean steaming before we even sat down for our meal!" Joan rambled as she walked through to the kitchen and turned on the kettle.

"The cousin that was getting married?" Gregson asked lowering his book.

"Oh yeah! She ended up throwing her soup all over her new mother in law, and by the time the meal ended she was four sheets to the wind. She had to be carried to the bedroom by her new groom and maid of honour!" Joan said delightedly. "Tea?"

"Please. I take it you don't like your cousin?" Gregson asked.

"Yes please Watson, they haven't gotten on since they were teenagers and her cousin stole her boyfriend, and then did it again when they were twenty three," Sherlock explained.

"Karma is a wonderful thing! I am suddenly very happy I went," Joan cackled in a slightly evil way as she bounced into the room with a tea tray.

"I imagine your mother wasn't impressed," Sherlock raised his eye brow.

"Oh, she can't stand my aunty, sh looked disappointed and embarrassed for dignities sake, but she was as delighted as I was," Joan snickered handing them both a cup before she settled into her armchair. "Oh and I realised that my uncle has a raging gambling addiction that my mother was quite thrilled to hear about, several people there were having affairs, one o which were seated at the same table as their spouses,"

"Ah, you used your time wisely then," Gregson chuckled, lifting his hand as Sherlock wriggled so that he wasn't lying on his stomach but resting with his back against Gregson's chest, as Gregson dropped his arm back around Sherlock the Consulting Detective tangled their legs together.

"Of course, it made sitting through a family wedding a whole lot more entertaining," Joan sniffed primly as she tucked her legs underneath herself. "Marcus quite enjoyed it as well," She smirked when both of them choked on their tea and turned to stare at her.

"Marcus? As in Bell?" Gregson blinked.

"Of course! I thought I knew that aftershave! Damn it, Gregson we have had too much sex its addled my brain functions!" Sherlock pouted.

"Ys Marcus Bell, I wasn't really very keen showing up dateless, we had quite a nice time actually, he's stopping by tonight for us to have supper together actually so I am going to shower and catch up on some sleep," Joan smiled standing.

"Ah I see by your gait you have finally had sex! Congratulations Watson!"

"boundaries Sherlock! Boundaries!" Joan bellowed as she stomped up the stairs.

"I will share my evening of sex if you do!"

"He will not!" Gregson thought he was going to spontaneously combust as the covered Sherlock's mouth.

"Spoil sport," Sherlock pouted when he moved his hand.

"I'm going to kill you," Gregson groaned.

"No you won't you enjoyed the sex too much," Sherlock said triumphantly.

"Then I'm going to have to punish you!" Gregson growled into Sherlock's ear smirking when the Consulting Detective went still in his arms, his breath catching.

"I think I might misbehave more if you make promises like that," Sherlock hummed.

"I hoped you would say that,"

"No sex on the sofa!" Joan suddenly bellowed down the stairs before they heard the bathroom door closing. Sherlock groaned when Gregson pulled away from him, his body giving out all signals that this was not going to continue right now.

"I'm going to sit on the doorstep and wait for Bell!" Sherlock huffed.

"No you're not. because you want her to be happy and you know the kid is infatuated with her," Gregson snorted getting comfortable on the sofa again, hugging Sherlock closer to him. Sherlock grumbled to himself but he settled his head down on Gregson's shoulder.


End file.
